A Walk in the Sand May 16, 2008

King Abdullah: Welcome my friend. Have you
seen the wondrous cities your policies have created?

Bush: I don’t get out much these days.

King Abdullah: What a shame. Dubai, which is in one of our sister nations
here on the peninsula, is a work of modern art unequalled in Western Civilization.
Have you seen its many wonders?

Bush (looking alarmed): We’re on the Peninsula? I hate the San Francisco
Bay Area!

King Abdullah: You are on the Arabian Peninsula, my little friend.”

Bush: Oh yeah, the land of the Pharoahs. Cool.

King Abdullah (looking pained): We have many incredible structures on
the peninsula, and many great cities are arising from the ashes of your
empire. We are very grateful. There
is Tabouk, and many others. The original Tabouk, as you know, was the
scene of a historical battle during the great times of Mohammed. We employ
many people from impoverished lands, and treat them accordingly.

Bush (thinking he was goosed, smiles): Thank you for that, your highness.

King Abdullah: You are welcome my silly little friend.

Bush: So, oh and thank you for the kiss, too. It was nice. So, as you
know, the American people are mad at me.

King Abdullah (nudges Bush with his elbow with a smile): And they don’t
even know you’re drinking again.

Bush (looking a little embarrassed): I think they’re catching on.

King Abdullah: Well my simple little friend, your family and mine, we
go back a very far way. I remember fondly the bin Ladens telling me how
they were watching TV with your dad when that plane hit one of your buildings. Your dad is said to have been quite impressed with our amateur pilots.

Bush (giggling stupidly): Yeah, eh, so impressed we sold you guys a bunch
more F-15Es.

King Abdullah: Of course, of course. And we are duly pleased. We would
never of course, use them against Israel.

Bush: Oh, I know that. You guys have been my bestest friends since I came
to Washington. Can we kiss again?

King Abdullah: I’m afraid not. You see, I have some bad news.

Bush: Oh. Okay. Well, that’s fine. I’m used to it. Let ‘er rip.

King Abdullah: I’m afraid we have reached the limit of our capacity.

Bush: Hmm. But you seem like such a smart fellow.

King Abdullah: Our oil fields are pumping out as much oil as they can.

Bush: You mean they decide?

King Abdullah: Yes, of course. We have used your magnificent computers
and outsourced several hundred thousand Indian software engineers to create
an AI for our oil fields.

Bush: Wow, that’s neat.

King Abdullah: The oil fields have come to the conclusion that they are
maxed out. But not only that. The earth is dying, and you and China and
the other huge oil consumers will need to figure out how to divvy up what
we are giving you. We could pump more oil till our hair was blonde, but
it wouldn’t stop the inexcorable slide into massive pollution, global warming,
and extinction.

Bush: You’ve always been like a father figure to me, Your Hindness.

King Abdullah (looking down behind him, and at his butt): Don’t do that,
George.

Bush: Sorry. I really learn a lot of things when I talk to you. And the
American people are grateful for your efforts.

King Abdullah (patting Bush on the head): Of course, of course. You’re
a good little man, George. We are very happy for America, too. We are very
happy that you deflected the American public from the truth of how many
of our families here were involved in that terrible accident in New York.

Bush: Whew. It wasn’t easy. I had to invade Iraq.

King Abdullah: You are a very brave little man.

Bush: I like to think so. My dad doesn’t think so. He thinks I’m a dope.

King Abdullah: Your dad is very wise. Here, we have a saying. Follow your
father’s wisdom, and you will understand your heart.

Bush: Wow, that’s pretty cool. What’s it mean?

King Abdullah: In time, my puny little friend, you will learn.

Bush: Thank you master Abdullah.