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Fox News To Formally Become Subsidiary of Republican Party September 20, 2007

Posted by chuckwh in Fox News, John Kerry, Murdoch, News and politics, Rupert Murdock, taser.
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In what most in and out of the news industry consider to be a formality, Fox News announced today that they would act as the official news arm of the Republican Party. The announcement was made by Fox News anchor Gregg Jarrett after commenting on the John Kerry taser incident during which he announced to the world that the youth tasered after posing tough questions to John Kerry got what was coming to him.

After his rant, Jarrett then announced, “And I’m happy to let our viewers know that the Fox News Network has officially been designated as the official news network of the Republican Party.”

Media and political observers say this is new territory because of the obvious conflicts of interest, but Rupert Murdoch, a conservative Australian purveyor of titillating media and the owner of Fox News, is reportedly unconcerned, telling associates that there is “little difference between today and yesterday, aside from a few pieces of legal paper.”

There will apparently be no real change in programming, according to reports.

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Fred Thompson Tattoes Flag On Head To Try to Rise Above Republican Pack September 9, 2007

Posted by chuckwh in Fred Thompson, News and politics.
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Fred Thompson’s declaration for the Presidency included a rare treat for conservatives. Fred's Tattoed HeadHe tatooed the flag on his ample forehead. Thompson, who has traditionally been a centrist, declared his candidacy today and said that the Gore Administration has lost the war on Al Queda.

“I would describe the Gore Presidency,” he said in his declaration speech, “as a Cushy-Cozy presidency. It’s a presidency that assumes all is well with the world. It’s a presidency that assumes we’ve defeated our foes, who are aplenty. I’m here to tell you that I will wear this flag on my forehead until all the threats against America have passed. And trust me, none of them have. Al Gore never declared war on our enemies, and I’m here to tell you I will not only declare war on our enemies, I will find enemies under every rock, betwixt every crevice, below every shuddering plow of soil.

“As Republicans,” he continued, “we need to define ourselves, and under the Gore administration many of us have wavered from that responsibility. My mantra is, be afraid, be very afraid, because this administration’s so called ‘Golden Years’ are nothing more than a foil that will result in a stunning attack on America from our enemies.”

Nobody from the Gore Administration could be reached tonight (Saturday night), because, like most of America, they were partying.

Snuff Film of bin Laden Reported to be Released Soon September 7, 2007

Posted by chuckwh in 9-11, Afghanistan, Al Gore, Al Queda, bin Laden, blogosphere, blogs, Osama bin Laden, President Gore, snuff film.
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The blogosphere is agog over the rumors that a snuff film of Osama bin Laden, created by a former member of the special operations unit that hunted him down and killed him in Afghanistan in 2002, will be released tomorrow over the Internet. Details are sketchy, if only because the actual details of his death weren’t released by the government. For this reason, although snuff films have never been popular among normal people, many in the blogging community are expecting massive hits when it is released on YouTube.

No motive for the film’s release have been revealed. bin Laden’s body was turned over to his family in Saudi Arabia and he received a “proper burial”, in the words of President Gore, and some in the military think that the motive for the release of the film may be tied in some way to that, although exactly how is unclear. Others think that the creator of the film is just into snuff, and is hoping this is a way of helping it go mainstream.

Panel recommends that U.S. lower its profile in Iraq September 6, 2007

Posted by chuckwh in Al Gore, Gore, Iran, Iraq, President Gore.
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An independent panel led by the heirs of Orville Redenbacher is recommending that businesses and organizations in Iraq that have direct ties to the U.S. lower their profile. “There is a mythology that Iran happened because a dictator ruled the country,” said the spokesperson for the panel, Christiane Amanpour, “but we would argue that what happened was that Iran experienced a shockwave, and that the Ayatollahs were merely a symptom of a larger backlash against Western materialism. Conditions are ripe for the same thing to happen in Iraq today.”

Iraq, as everyone knows, is the new glam child of the Middle East, but its Shi’ite population is becoming a bit restive.

Baseball Commissioner Bush Stops Cubs Trade for Trachsel September 1, 2007

Posted by chuckwh in Chicago Cubs, Cubs, George W. Bush, Rocky Cherry, Steve Trachsel.
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In his first official act as baseball commissioner, George W. Bush today voided the trade between the Chicago Cubs and Baltimore Orioles that would have brought Steve Trachsel to the Cubs in exchange for Rocky Cherry and Scott Moore.

“I promised yesterday I’d be a pro-active commish, and today I’m pro-actively voiding this pointless trade. For one thing, no team should be allowed to trade a guy named Rocky Cherry. It’s just too darned good a baseball name. Rocky Cherry. Can’t you almost hear that name just rolling off Harry Caray’s tongue? But here’s the thing. This Trachsel fella, have you ever seen him on the mound? By golly you could take go over to Soldier Field and take in a quarter or two of a Bears game in between that boy’s pitches. So I’m saying no to this deal. Too much money changing hands for a guy who takes about 7 hours to finish a game. I’ve already laid out my concerns about the length of ball games. If Trachsel pitches for the Cubs in the postseason, we may be talking about the December classic, instead of the October classic. And I’m all for classics, just so long as they are done in the right way.”

Yesterday, upon being named the new commissioner of major league baseball, Bush promised sweeping changes and reforms, and included a suggestion to shorten games to six innings. Nobody in the major leagues has yet commented on his proposal.