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Chelsea Clinton’s Age Will Be Updated February 17, 2008

Posted by chuckwh in Hillary, Hillary Clinton, News and politics.
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In a move to further protect Chelsea Clinton from the media, The Clintons today declared that a mistake was made in her birth certificate, and that she is actually 13 years old, not 28, as had been previously alleged.

Harold Ickes, one of Sen. Hillary Clinton’s senior advisors, made the announcement before a rambling strategy session today. “She’s 13. There was a mistake on her birth certificate,” said Ickes. “The Clinton campaign is determined to protect Chelsea from the media hounds, and this correction is part of that strategy.”

Chelsea Clinton, who is campaigning in Democratic front runner Barack Obama’s home state of Hawaii, would not comment on this newest development.

Asked by reporters how to explain Chelsea’s appearances among the Clintons during Bill Clinton’s presidency, where she appears to be a young teenager, Ickes replied that the individual seen in photographs and news footage was a surrogate. “As you know, the Clintons have many friends in the film industry, and the good people at Industrial Light and Magic created a computer-generated image of what the Clinton’s daughter would have looked like as a 12 year old. They then took that information and hired a body double.”

Told by reporters that there were still some general issues with this kind of time line, Ickes became visibly irritated and began to detail the Clinton campaign’s strategy for preventing Obama from winning the Democratic nomination. “Sending Chelsea to Hawaii, Obama’s home turf, will re-invigorate this campaign and deliver a firm message that the Clintons belong back in the White House.”

Although the 13 year old will be campaigning actively for her mother now, she will still not be allowed to talk to the press. “No,” confirmed Ickes, “absolutely not. And I think you can see why. She’s 13 years old, for God’s sake.”

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Comments»

1. Annie G. - February 17, 2008

puh-leeze!

2. Chula - February 17, 2008

I think that the Clinton’s need to get a life

3. Marty-mar - February 17, 2008

WHAT!!! I have seen some creeeeeaaaaative tactics by the Clintons but this one takes the cake. If she is grown enough to campaign for mommy then she is grown enough for the press to discuss. There is this thing called FREEDOM OF PRESS. What exempts Chelsea from being in a newspaper, magazine, or the web. Everyone else in America isn’t.

4. susan g. mehaffey - February 17, 2008

What is the Clinton camp afraid of? Does Chelsea come off as a nit-wit airhead whom will only “put her foot in her mouth”?It would be interesting to know if she is as dumb as her parents can be.I have seen them do that at least once in their political careers.Everyone is entitled to mistakes,but it is refreshing when you really do come across the brightest and the best.No leader can afford to be anything less in this messed up world we live in today.How can we stop the madness?!Perhaps we ought to not be so nice to really nasty criminals…hang them upside down by their balls,close them up in a sound proof room, and let them scream for hours and beg for forgiveness.Excuse me, just had to get that issue of my chest.As far as Chelsea, goes sure hope her Mr. Right is at least a very wise and mature man whom loves her dearly.
By the way, what is the male spouse of a President going to be called?Bill hardly fits the ideal of a “First Gentleman”.Why does noone bring up the issue of possible more sexual deviance if Bill is in the White House again?Does he really have his urges under control now? Man, how personal am I getting here?!! That is what you call some juicy details that perhaps is none of the public’s business.I can not help wonder what he will be doing while in the White House,though I think it would be a joke for her to win when Obama is definitely the winner of the popular vote.I have alittle problem with delegate votes;it is almost like making fun of what the people have chosen if she wins that way.What, does Washington D.C. think we are all to stupid to make the real and right choice?!Why do we have such a silly system as that?I’d like to understand.Thank you for your comments.

5. Mommie dearest: Chelsea speaks, but won’t talk to journalists « The Gore Years - April 26, 2008

[…] Bill Clinton is the master of retail politicking, widely acknowledged to have few peers as a campaigner. But ever since the red nosed beacon of 21st century racism began making an utter fool of himself, there’s a case to be made that his 28-year-old daughter is the more valuable advocate for Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton.  After all, she is allowed to speak in front of thousands, but the Clintons won’t let her speak to journalists. She is, in other words, immune, as if she was still a nine year old, and the mainstream press is playing along. Smart move by Clintons, considering the family’s sordid past. The question really becomes, though, why is the media giving her a free pass? Why are they afraid to ask her questions? Is she still really a child? […]

6. Wang - March 19, 2009

Speaking of Chelsea Clinton:

There is bad news about her father.

It is opined that Bill Clinton committed racist hate crimes, and I am not free to say anything further about it.

Respectfully Submitted by Andrew Y. Wang, J.D. Candidate
B.S., Summa Cum Laude, 1996
Messiah College, Grantham, PA
Lower Merion High School, Ardmore, PA, 1993

(I can type 90 words per minute, and there are probably thousands of copies on the Internet indicating the content of this post. Moreover, there are innumerable copies in very many countries around the world.)
_________________
“If only it were possible to ban invention that bottled up memories so they never got stale and faded.” Off the top of my head—it came from my Lower Merion High School yearbook.

7. Beth - August 1, 2010

You people – Clearly it was a joke! Or are Americans that stupid, they’d actually believe that…? Apparently some are.


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