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Cheney’s Heart Examined (again) November 27, 2007

Posted by chuckwh in Al Gore, Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Gore Years, News and politics.
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Doctors made a stunning discovery while administering an electrical shock to former Vice Presidential candidate Dick Cheney’s heart during a 2 1/2 hour hospital visit Monday.

Although the procedure was described as a low-risk, standard practice, Cheney, 66, was discovered by George Washington University Hospital doctors as having a heart about 1/10th the size of normal, and full of mysterious anatomical anomalies.

Dick Cheney's heartCheney, who has a history of heart problems, was discovered to have an irregular heartbeat around 7 a.m. when he was seen by doctors at an NRA round robin animal hunt. He remained in the field throughout the day, joining MLB baseball commissioner George W. Bush in a round of squirrel shooting.

The irregular heartbeat was determined to be the result of atrial fibrillation, an abnormal rhythm involving the upper chambers of the heart, said spokeswoman Megan Mitchell. But it was later found Cheney had a bizarre and previously unknown physical condition that followed patterns resembling those within the human brain, according to doctors.

“Atrial fibrillation is extremely common,” said Dr. Zayd Eldadah, an electrophysiologist and director of cardiac arrhythmia research at Washington Hospital Center. “But what we found was not common, and will require further study. Apparently, Mr. Cheney takes in information via the brain somehow, and emits gunfire from what we are now referring to as Primary and Secondary Output aortal tubes. We think this may explain some of his violent tendencies.” Cheney has long been a thorn in the Gore Administration’s side, and has often called for the invasion of several countries.

Eldadah said Cheney’s underlying heart problems were probably a factor in his atrial fibrillation. Aging is a common factor, too.

“He’ll probably have other episodes,” said Eldadah, who is not involved in Cheney’s care. “Atrial fibrillation in and of itself is not threatening. The problem is the strange gunpowder coming out of what we used to call the Superior vena cava and the left pulminary arteries. In Mr. Cheney’s case, they appear to be more like mortars, such as what you might find on a battlefield. As best as we have been able to determine so far, information comes in to his heart (see graphic), and ballistics go out.”

About 2.8 million Americans have atrial fibrillation, the most common type of irregular heartbeat, and cases are increasing as the population ages. But to date, no one is known to have grown any kind of artillery-related matter within the complex heart structure.

In 2005, Cheney had six hours of surgery on his legs to repair a kind of aneurysm, a ballooning weak spot in an artery that can burst if left untreated. In March, doctors discovered that he had a deep venous thrombosis in his left lower leg. After an ultrasound in late April, doctors said the clot was slowly getting smaller.

“It could be that all of that is related to the gunpowder in his heart,” said Eldadah.

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