Pat Robertson Calls for Hit on JK Rowling October 23, 2007Posted by chuckwh in 9-11, Afghanistan, Al Gore, Al Queda, Apple, arms control, Barack Obama, Congressional ethics, Dumbledor, Dumbledor gay, Harry Potter, JK Rowling, News and politics, Potter, Rowling.
Admitting that the bond between Islamic fundamentalism and Christian fundamentalism is as deep as most of us assumed, Pat Robertson today called for a “Christian Fat wahhh” on JK Rowling for her confession that Dumbledor is gay.
“Today is a dark day for America as this evil woman has introduced a trojan horse into our nation. Here we all were, comfortable gathering our families together by the fireplace and reading this innocent narrative to our children, when, surprise, out of the gilded binding that is our lovely Harry Potter book came out a truly haunting progeny.
“It reached out its tentacles and we parents happily accepted its embrace. And now, we find our children sucked into the malevolent storm of liberalism — homosexuality, abortion, and general mayhem. For this, I declare, that JK Rowling must be exterminated. I am formally calling for something we should have called during the Clinton years, a fat wahhh on JK Rowling, and anyone who promotes her trojan horse”.
Robertson’s call to arms was immediately heeded on the internet, where the vast counterculture that has been battling the Gore adminstration since the earliest days went into action. “I totally support this effort,” wrote Wayne Huizenga in his blog, Death to Morans. “Ever since I owned Blockbuster, you see, I have understood this fight well. It’s all about empowerment. It’s why my video stores carried slasher movies dedicated to the dismemberment of females, but refused to carry Last Temptation of Christ. It’s all about perception, and other stuff.”
The Gore Administration’s reaction was swift. “I am, as we speak, arranging for the arrest of Mr. Robertson,” said Attorney General Andrew M. Cuomo. “The cultural wars that his ilk are so fond of perpetrating have no place in American society. You can expect the Justice Department to expend every resource to find Mr Robertson and bring him to justice.”
Word is that Robertson has escaped to Tunisia, and has found a home with fellow evangelical expatriates who have formed an enclave in the coastal town of Kelibia.
Kelibia is a beautiful coastal town that has so far resisted the trend current among other North African coastal towns, whose shorelines have been taken over by the tourist industry.
Kelibia in fact, is a ghost town on the Mediterranean, an enclave of evangelicals from a variety of religions. It’s a mysterious place where, it seems, the lunatic fringe of all religions have found a home.
There are, in Kelibia, monuments to major evangelical figures from almost every religion on the planet. There is, for example, the Yigal Amir monument, a 5,000 foot tower dedicated to the man who nearly doomed the Israeli-Palestine peace process. The word is that the CIA under the Gore Administration funded the statue, just as it funded every other evangelical statue in that statue-laden town.
Why the Gore-funded CIA funded the development of a shoreline in Northern Africa for the purpose of enhancing evangelistic thought is a question for historians. Some say it’s just to get them all in one place, and nuke them, but this seems to be against President Gore’s green thing, which he’s been talking about for six years now.
All we know now is that the town’s three mile shoreline is a long series of 5,000 foot tall statues dedicated to fundamentalists, from a variety of religions. Which exactly those are, however, has remained a mystery, because there is an iron mask over the face of each statue, that, according to the Tunisian government, will be unveiled on July 14, 2008.
“We will reveal the masks all on one day,” says Tunisia’s foreign press secretary, Hlalems Bil Lham. “We’re not sure who paid for all these damned statues of all these damned freaks, but we’ll drop the masks on all 100 statues lining our coastline on July 14, because we consider that an important date, although nobody here is sure why, although we suspect the French.”
Then, with a gleam in his eye, he says, “and when we unveil the masks, we pretty much expect the end of the earth as we know it. Which is fine with me, since our family hasn’t grown a nice tomato in about 50 years.”