Google to Buy Russia October 9, 2007Posted by chuckwh in Google, News and politics, Russia, stocks.
First there were oligarchs in Russia. Soon there may be Googlegarchs, if a rumored internet story turns out to be true.
Word from three cities, Moscow, St. Petersburg, and Mountain View, that Google will purchase the Russian Federation for an undisclosed sum is beginning to take the Net by storm.
Those looking for a motive shouldn’t have far to look.
For one thing, Russia and its various sister nations are chock full of inexpensive software engineers. Really good ones, too.
But there’s more. Russia is a sea of oil. A frozen sea of oil, but, hey, when your stock price goes from a little over a hundred bucks to $600+ in just a few years, what’s a few Gazproms?
Already, the State of Oregon is in a state of panic, and is offering to cover the total cost of Google’s data center in the Dalles because of fear that better, more pristine areas could be exploited in the Russian wilderness. “We’ve already got a great environment here in Oregon,” says one Oregon legislator. “Why do we need more good environment? We should not only fund Google’s industrialization of the Dalles, we should take away their risk, so that they can do more in similar environs. Otherwise, the Russkis win.”
How Google’s purchase of Russia would affect the upcoming elections in that nation is unclear, although most pundits are saying that the upcoming elections were kind of silly anyway, and that the only people following them were readers of the Economist.
“Putin and Google are a perfect match,” says David Dwad of the Stanford Ear, Eye and Google Institute. “It’s all about crushing the competition, and they’ve both done it in supremely subtle ways that have convinced their respective populations that no evil is done. From both a sociological and pathological perspective, they’re the poster children of the 21st century, and, as such, they’re a perfect match.”
The Gore administration, which has been at odds with the Putin administration since the first wave of press repression, has always sort of been in favor of a Google takeover of Russia. “Look,” says one administration insider who wouldn’t let us reveal her name, “we all know that that part of the continent has sort of this fixation with a daddy complex, so why not let our biggest daddy deliver it to them?”