Fred Thompson Tattoes Flag On Head To Try to Rise Above Republican Pack

Fred Thompson’s declaration for the Presidency included a rare treat for conservatives. He tatooed the flag on his ample forehead. Thompson, who has traditionally been a centrist, declared his candidacy today and said that the Gore Administration has lost the war on Al Queda.

“I would describe the Gore Presidency,” he said in his declaration speech, “as a Cushy-Cozy presidency. It’s a presidency that assumes all is well with the world. It’s a presidency that assumes we’ve defeated our foes, who are aplenty. I’m here to tell you that I will wear this flag on my forehead until all the threats against America have passed. And trust me, none of them have. Al Gore never declared war on our enemies, and I’m here to tell you I will not only declare war on our enemies, I will find enemies under every rock, betwixt every crevice, below every shuddering plow of soil.

“As Republicans,” he continued, “we need to define ourselves, and under the Gore administration many of us have wavered from that responsibility. My mantra is, be afraid, be very afraid, because this administration’s so called ‘Golden Years’ are nothing more than a foil that will result in a stunning attack on America from our enemies.”

Nobody from the Gore Administration could be reached tonight (Saturday night), because, like most of America, they were partying.