Zurich police today identified the thieves who recently stole art masterpieces from the renowned Bührle collection as having “direct ties” to Vice President Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign. The campaign, which has been reeling as a result of a string of several primary and caucus losses at that hands of Illinois Senator Barack Obama, is said to be desperate for cash, and will use the proceeds from the art heist to, in the words of deputy campaign manager Mike Henry, “make our stand at the Alamo. We’ll saturate the great state of Texas with ads on every radio and TV station in the state, and we’ll make our case for change with some beef.”

Henry was relieved of his duties later in the evening, but there is no indication if he was fired because of his involvement with the heist or because he simply did a sloppy job of carrying out the heist. “They came in with guns blazing,” Zurich police spokesman Marco Cortesi told the press today, “and screaming, ‘Remember the Alamo!’”.

Image URL: Paul Cezanne’s painting “The Boy in the Red Vest”, http://media3.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/photo/2008/02/11/PH2008021102650.jpg