In his first official act as baseball commissioner, George W. Bush today voided the trade between the Chicago Cubs and Baltimore Orioles that would have brought Steve Trachsel to the Cubs in exchange for Rocky Cherry and Scott Moore.

“I promised yesterday I’d be a pro-active commish, and today I’m pro-actively voiding this pointless trade. For one thing, no team should be allowed to trade a guy named Rocky Cherry. It’s just too darned good a baseball name. Rocky Cherry. Can’t you almost hear that name just rolling off Harry Caray’s tongue? But here’s the thing. This Trachsel fella, have you ever seen him on the mound? By golly you could take go over to Soldier Field and take in a quarter or two of a Bears game in between that boy’s pitches. So I’m saying no to this deal. Too much money changing hands for a guy who takes about 7 hours to finish a game. I’ve already laid out my concerns about the length of ball games. If Trachsel pitches for the Cubs in the postseason, we may be talking about the December classic, instead of the October classic. And I’m all for classics, just so long as they are done in the right way.”

Yesterday, upon being named the new commissioner of major league baseball, Bush promised sweeping changes and reforms, and included a suggestion to shorten games to six innings. Nobody in the major leagues has yet commented on his proposal.